New Jersey Area Man brings Deadly Worm Virus onto US Shores

February 26, 2009
Associated Press

Ronald Harrison, a resident fo New Jersey, had just boarded US Air Flight 243 in Newark when he began to shake and convulse violently. As flight attendants wrestled him to the ground he began vomiting and defecating into the aisle of the very full flight. Unable to exit several other passengers became sick. After evacuating the plane a team from the Center for Disease Control arrived on the scene to check on Mr. Harrison and the other passengers. A large ziplock bag of Mr. Harrison's fecal matter was taken for analysis at The Howard Hughes Medical Center in Washington, D.C.
It turns out Mr. Harrison was a carrier of Kinkaisi Virus or Worm Virus, a condition isolated to the Western Region of Africa, primarily Gabon. After scooping Mr. Harrison's bile and chunks of vomit from the interior of the plane CDC Doctor Harriet Montrose was said have uttered "worms." Mr. Harrison expired and was pronounced dead an hour after being taken from the plane but not before he evacuated his bowels onto the tarmac. In the process of attempting to revive him a local area doctor used too much force and punctured Mr. Harrison's abdomen pulling out cord upon cord of writhing orange worms. He immediately became sick into his mask. In a statement to local authorities and the press Dr. Montrose seemed remorseful. "Clearly Mr. Harrison should not have traveled. While I am sorry he has died he has brought the Kinkaisi onto us all." Several reporters seemed confused by her bluttering out the name of a disease so unfamiliar to most Americans. It was then that she became violently ill sending streams of warm deadly bile into the crowd. She was heard to scream "get it out of me", when she turned with her backside to the audience and lifted her skirt defecated until she was shot and killed by local area police. If you or anyone you know has been exposed to Kinkaisi or Wrom Virus please notify the CDC immediately. 1-800-787-8976.