Former child star performs seppuku--survives...

February 27, 2009
New York Times

Macaulay Culkin, a former child star known throughout the world for the mega blockbuster movie Home Alone, was found by in a pool of own blood and intestines after performing seppuku. He was rushed to the hospital and is in stable condition. Seppuku the ancient Japanese art considered to be suicide involves a systematic disemboweling followed by a customary beheading by a kaishaku-an individual armed with a sword, who is charged with decapating the suicide victim or seppuku artist. Mr. Culkin's girlfriend and family were obviously distraught. "He should be dead," said his brother Rory. "He did it all wrong. How do you mess up a seppuku? I mean he's lost it. He can't even kill himself right." When asked to clarify as to why he was upset at his brother Not being dead, Rory Culkin sighed. "You just don't understand seppuku."