Report: Chimp-Attack Victim May Have Brain Damage Charla Nash Lost Her Hands, Nose, Lips, Eyelids In Attack; May Be Blind

March 3, 2009

New York Times

"Sweet," uttered Matthew Johnson, pictured boating with his girlfriend on Benazir Bhutto Lake, upon hearing about the deadly chimp attack. "That lady got totally mauled." When questioned further as to his apparent lack of sensitivity Mr. Johnson nervously retracted his statement. Minutes later his girlfriend was given the gag ball and savagely raped by a nearby mountain man known only as The Yeti.