March 3, 2009US News & World Report
The famous bad boy film and TV star and creator of "Punked" was assasinated in a hail of gunfire on a downtown Los Angeles street. "They seemed to know what they were doing n' sh*t," exclaimed Esmerelda Sanchez, the owner of local tortilla stand, who witnessed the brilliantly executed tactical slaying. "First, they just showed up," continued Ms. Sanchez. "I was like, who are those guys. They had big guns and uniforms. Then I saw Ashton Kutcher. I thought they were filming some movie. But there were no cameras. They surrounded his car and just started shooting. He got punked for real." No reason was given for the brutal murder or to the affilation of the group of killers. Overcome with grief Demi Moore, Mr. Kutcher's wife performed sepukku in the couples Santa Barbara home but was given the gag ball and refused the services of a kaishaku.
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