I'm full of shit

March 9, 2009
Entertainment Weekly

George Clooney, star of the Ocean movie franchise and other top films, recently admitted in a pool side chat that he doesn't know what he's talking about. "All this crap I'm spewing about injustice, it's a sham so people will take me serious and I'll get a higher grade of pussy." When challenged the fifty-year old actor became visibly upset and admitted being a homosexual. "I wish you all would leave me alone." Clooney, also a film director slated to lens the latest in a slew of Julia Childs biopics, has been in the news lately with a squadron of different woman. "I'm a bachelor, they know where I stand," laughed Clooney. "I'm not marriage material, but does that make gay?" Yes, according to Daily Mail photojournalist, Ian McFey. "Mr. Clooney definitely takes it up the bum. All these birds are a distraction. He's a total fairy." When this reporter asked for evidence Mr. McFey spilled a manilla envelope of 8x10 glossy's of the American film star in compromising positions with what appeared to be very hairy Turk. When I ask who the other gentleman was, Mr. McFey nonchalantly said," Oh, that's Larry. Larry the fairy, that's his handle arounf Piccadily Circus. He makes that bloke in Borat looked like bleedin' Christy Brinkley. But that's how George likes em. He likes to be smothered in all that man hair." Mr. Clooney is a big movie star and I am a fan so it was with hesitation that I even ventured to report such findings. To be continued....