President Obama and gay lover Elton John backstage at CMA Awards

April 21, 2009
Entertainment Weekly
Donald P. Wizard

The 44th President of the United States made a surprise appearance backstage at the 13th annual Country Music Awards. "I'm gay and I'm proud," beamed the President. "And don't froget you're black," chimmed his boyfreind of twenty-years-singer-songwriter Sir Elton John. "Shut up you bitch," hissed the President. "Don't be getting all up in here. This is my show." The two men obviously distressed wrestled each other to the ground and began to violent tongue kiss each other. "I want access to your anus," ordered the President. It was then that five secret service men stripped Sir Elton and he was penatrated from behind. After intercourse President Obama walked out onstage to a cheering crowd. "This is my base," he told CMA attendees. "I grew up on country music." He made no mention of his ravenous homosexuality or the fact that his long time lover was due to come on in minutes to perform "Homey in a Haystack" from his latest record "Shirtlifter."